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The prize is a WHAT now? July 18, 2006

Posted by table4five in Humor.


Originally uploaded by Tableforfive.

My kids are participating in the library’s Summer Reading Program. The theme is “Paws, Claws, Scales and Tails”, so all the prizes are animal-related. This foam glider toy is what they got for completing their sixth hour of reading.

I keep waiting for one of them to ask me “Mom, what is a cockchafer?”

To which I will reply “trust me honey, it’s something you do NOT want to get.”


We left our brains behind. July 12, 2006

Posted by table4five in Family, Humor.

This morning I have a vague memory of cracking open an eyelid and telling my husband that I wanted to go walk around the mall tonight. This is a long-standing ritual that goes back to when we were first living together and had no money for entertainment, so we would go to one of two area malls and just window-shop, with a stop at the Food Court for a terrible but cheap dinner. We have continued the tradition with the boys, although we almost always end up buying new books at Barnes & Noble because it’s so HARD to say NO to a kid who is standing in front of you clutching a book. NO, NO reading for you!

Anyway, after Chris got home and changed his clothes we began the long list of pre-outing tasks that must be completed: let the dog out to pee, get the boys cleaned up and into shoes, change the baby’s diaper, fix her a bottle to drink in the car and another bottle for later, pack the big diaper bag with diapers/wipes/change of clothes/bib/spoon/ food/changing table pad/Aquaphor/cloth diaper in case of spit-up/small diaper disposal bags/extra toys. Get the boys in the car, decide to change from big purse to small purse, transfer phone/keys/wallet/lipgloss, decide to put hair back in clip, decide to pee before we leave, run back in to grab camera, finally everyone is in the car, let’s GO.

We get to the mall, park, get out of the car and Chris says, “where’s the diaper bag?”

Fuuuuck. Okay, I will take the boys and Kaitlyn into the mall and get them some food, Chris will drive back home (it’s five minutes away) and grab the bag. We order our food and start eating when up walks Chris swinging the SMALL diaper bag. He looks pissed.

“Yeah, it’s great to drive all the way home just to get the EMPTY diaper bag”. He is pissed.

Me:”It’s my fault, I set it down to change purses and forgot to grab it”. Him:”I’m the one who looked right at it but grabbed the small one instead”. Me:”Didn’t you notice the small one felt kind of light?” Him: “Do you see me shooting invisible glaring death-rays at you for asking me such a dumb question?” ( He didn’t really say that, but there were glaring death-rays).

So, this time he sits down with Kaitlyn and the boys and I drive home to get the big diaper bag. Which is sitting right where I left it.

Wanting vs. Doing June 16, 2006

Posted by table4five in Humor, personal thoughts.
I remember wanting a lot of things when I was a kid. I don't mean like getting to stay up late or eat more candy, I mean like the things I thought I would want to do when I grew up.

Let's just say I have had a serious reality check.

1. Whenever anyone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always "a librarian". I loved reading so much that I was sure the ultimate job for me would be to surround myself with books all day. I pictured myself standing behind the checkout desk with the big stamp in my hand. I couldn't have possibly foreseen bar codes or laser scanners or computerized checkout in the early 70s.

One thing I was pretty sure I would never do is become someone's mother. When we played "house" during school recess, the Dad always pretended to kiss the Mom goodbye and leave for work swinging his pretend briefcase. Then a few minutes later, the Dad would reappear and say "honey, I'm home!" and eat his pretend dinner.

Depending on who was playing "house" that day, sometimes the Mom would pretend to be holding a baby. I was never the Mom or the baby in those pretend games. I was the sister, or the dog.

Pretend Dads did two things as far as I was concerned:go to work and come back home, or fix things around the house. There was no making of babies. My parents adopted the three of us. I never heard them have sex (gods forbid!) let alone EVER talk about it. I never saw my Mom hold a baby. So I never saw myself holding one either.

2. I always assumed I would be a career gal, if not as a librarian than as someone else. My Mom worked as a teacher for my whole life. Sure, she got home about the same time as we did every day, but she never went on field trips or volunteered in our classrooms. I had no idea what a Stay-At-Home-Mom even was. What the heck did they do all day? CLEAN?

3. I was never obsessed with cars like some of my high school friends, but there was a car that I always claimed was my "dream car". I was perfectly happy with my light blue Chevy Chevette, but what I really always wanted to own was a fire-engine-red Mustang Convertible with a white leather interior. The only thing I knew about convertibles at the time is that you had to wear a scarf around your hair and oversize sunglasses, and you had to put the top up in the rain. I wasn't thinking about things like whether or not it got good enough gas mileage to be affordable, or whether the trunk could hold a convertible stroller and a week's worth of groceries. Everyone I knew either drove a small economy car or one of those giant Chevy Caprice classics. No one drove a MomVan.

I don't really think in terms of what I want to be when I grow old. There is no time for wishing or hoping. It takes every ounce of my brain's memory and power to remember who has a doctor appointment or whether we're out of toilet paper. I would, however, still like to work as a librarian some day.

Know any baby names that end in “y”? June 13, 2006

Posted by table4five in BlogHer, Humor.

A Belgian couple with 14 children has given them all names that end in "y". Mom is pregnant with #15, and they put in ad in a local newspaper asking the public to help them name the baby because they can't think of another name. Here are the names of their other children: Wendy (20), Cindy (18), Jimmy (17), Brendy (16), Sonny (15), Sandy (14), Purdy (13), Chardy (9), Yorry (8), Yony (6), Britney (5), Yenty (3), Ruby (2) and Xanty (1). I can think of more names that end in "y":

For boys: Timmy Tommy Billy Bobby Andy Robby Ricky Kenny Jamey

For girls: Cathy Carly Kimmy Jenny Suzy Amy Chrissy Kristy Kelly Sally Stacy Polly Mary Kerry

Maybe none of these are well-known names in Belgium. What names can you think of? Play along! I got the article from a link on Fark; here's the original story http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7003883980

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