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A Post in Three Parts: Part Three (Bullshit) August 11, 2006

Posted by table4five in Family, personal thoughts.

Subtitle, courtesy of Fancypants: Happy, Shiny, BULLSHIT. Scroll down for parts I & II


Bullshit: Running around in my head, I keep hearing that song-“Back to life, back to reality, back to the here and now, yeah”. The warm fuzzy feeling that I brought back from BlogHer and kept wrapped around me has been replaced by my old familiar friend anxiety.

This is going to be another one of those really sucky months. Three days, in particular, that shall suck to the highest degree, and bring all kinds of fresh hell to the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Starting with Sunday, August 20th. The double funeral, double memorial service for my Mother-in-law and Grandma-in-law. Two women, who died under very different circumstances, both cremated, both to be laid to rest in the same cemetery.  A gathering of the remaining daughter, the children and grandchildren, siblings and cousins and their families. The circumstances of one death almost overshadowing the unfortunate timing of the other. A picnic, at a park famous for it’s gardens, with food and children running and playing, and yet the cloak of sadness and loss on top of everything else. A sad day.

Monday, August 21st.  A visit to a pediatric urologist, to see if there is a physical reason why my son occasionally wets the bed at night. And I’m sorry in advance, honey, if some day in the future one of your friends unearths my archives and finds this post. I suspect the doctor won’t find anything, but I still have to take all three kids to the appointment, and then figure out what to do with Nathan and the baby while Ryan and I see the doctor. There may be unpleasant tests involved, I don’t know. I really hope not.

Tuesday, August 21st. The biggest cause of my feeling like a load of bullshit has been dumped directly onto me, eradicating any residual good feelings I had. At 6:30 am, my Dad goes into surgery for an esophagastric resection. I tried to find a good link, but reading what Google returned in the search made me so upset that I couldn’t continue. Dad has a tumor where his esophagus meets his stomach, at the gastric sphincter. It is very small, so small that it didn’t show up on a CAT scan, but did show up during  whatever that test is called where they put a tube down into your stomach with a little camera on the end. The surgery involves cutting out a section of both esophagus and about a third of the top of his stomach, and then joining the sections together. His surgeon told him that it was considered “very difficult” surgery, but that it is the best way to ensure the removal of the tumor.

Afterwards, he should be able to eat regular food the next day, but will also have a feeding tube for supplemental nutrition. He will leave the hospital with the feeding tube in place. He is hiring a nurse to come every day to treat him. I don’t know the details of that yet. Here’s what worries me the most:

1. My Dad does not handle anesthesia well. When he had surgery after he broke his back, he experienced post-anesthesia hallucinations. He spent two days talking nonsense, at one point loudly ordering the “nazis” out of his room. This scared the bejesus out of me, and I don’t look forward to it happening again.

2. He lives alone. And although he has a wonderful girlfriend who I’m sure will do everything she can for him, she won’t be there every minute of the day. He is 72, needs a cane to get around, and eats lunch and dinner out. So this will require a major lifestyle change for him. Not to mention that the only way I can be with him during the day is IF I can find someone to watch all three kids.

3. “Very difficult” surgery. The fact that they are removing a TUMOR. We haven’t even heard about the likelihood of chemotherapy. The word CANCER. The fact that I am his designated patient advocate and may be called upon to confirm his D.N.R. order or sign papers that say no, he does not want to be kept alive on machines.

So there you have it. Between now and then, I plan to continue on as normal. But I’m sure I’ll have an even harder time sleeping next Saturday night, and then I don’t know what I’ll be doing. I may find lots of time to lose myself in the Blogosphere, or I may stay off entirely to preserve my energy.

Sigh. Thanks for listening. I’m so glad I have you all to talk to.



1. jennster - August 11, 2006

oh man.. hang in there. i hope your dad is okay and i can’t imagine the rough time you’re going through. HUGS

2. javajabber - August 11, 2006

wow…that’s a lot of stuff to go through.

I only have one recommendation to make…talk to the anesthesiologist long before surgery. Tell him about your father’s side effects of the anesthesia. I don’t know when your dad last had anesthesia, but maybe they can look at his prior medical records and find out and be sure to give him something different.

If it was a LONG time ago, I’m sure anesthesia has changed a lot. Not only in type, but quantity and quality.

Take care of yourself during this time…

3. Lanna - August 11, 2006

Oh honey. I second talking to the anesthesiologist. So much so that the guy’s afraid of making you mad.

I know some of your anxiety – we weren’t even sure if my dad would live through his surgery, and he did. Not sure for how much longer, but that’s a whole different story.

Can you talk to the surgeon(s) yourself to get a clearer picture of what’s going on and such so you’re more prepared for what can happen?

4. Amy - August 11, 2006

Oh, that IS a lot. Hang in there. And thanks for sharing these three beautiful posts–I’m impressed with your writing! I wish I could relay a feeling/event/description the way you can!

5. Jess - August 12, 2006

Oh no. Suckage.

I’ll be thinking about your dad.

Don’t forget your pals on the Interweb—we’re here to help you deal with the bullshit.

6. mamatulip - August 12, 2006

What Jess said. We’re here for you. I totally know what it feels like to be responsible for someone’s care if they’re unable to make those decisions themselves. Hang in there and know you can email me any time, okay?


7. chris - August 12, 2006

Oh I am so sorry you have to go through all of this.
Hang in there.

If I lived near you I’d totally come and hold your hand and feed you some chocolate.

8. Chantal - August 12, 2006

Elizabeth, that’s a lot going on! Hopefully the new venture with WW will help you feel good about YOU in the next month or so.

9. tori - August 12, 2006

I’m so sorry! It must be really difficult to take care of the sick one…having really only ever been the sick one, I would think taking care of me may have been harder than actually being sick sometimes! I will be thinking of you and hoping it all goes well!

Also, how old is your son that is going to the pediatric urologist? My son is 6 and still is not dry at night (sorry to him if he ever reads this!) and the pediatrician said we didn’t need to worry until he is 9 or 10! I wish I lived near you to watch your other kids for you! I know what a pain in the butt it is to bring a bunch of kids to each appointment!

10. Fraulein N - August 12, 2006

Man, that is a shit deal. I know it’s bad stuff that happened to people all around you, but of course you’re having to live through it as well. I really hope your dad is okay.

Re: the bedwetting: my brother wet the bed for so long we kind of thought he’d be doing it FOREVER (ha, sorry to HIM if he reads this), but he did outgrow it eventually. I think it has something to do with little boys’ bladders not developing quickly enough, which is perfectly normal. Hopefully it’s something similar with your son, which is to say, nothing serious.

You’ve got my email addy if you need someone to talk to. Or hit me up for my number and I’ll lend you an ear as well. Take care of yourself.

11. Her Bad Mother - August 12, 2006

Hang in there, lady. You know where to turn for (virtual) hugs)…

12. mothergoosemouse - August 14, 2006

Elizabeth, I’m sorry that I didn’t get back to this series of posts until now.

Yes, it certainly does sound like those few days will be a world of shit. But there will be closure (MIL/GIL), answers (Ryan), and relief (your dad) once each day has passed. The anticipation is tough, but each of those days, you’ll be taking action to help the people you love.

As always, you have my support and encouragement.

13. Nancy - August 14, 2006

Ugh, I am sorry to hear you have a terrible month coming up. We are all here to provide you any support you need. ((hugs)) and positive vibes are being sent right now…

14. sweatpantsmom - August 15, 2006

Elizabeth, I’m sorry to hear about all you’re going through. I hope you find some closure in regards to the passing of loved ones, and a solution to Ryan’s situation. And I’m sending out prayers and hugs for you and your dad – I hope the surgery goes well.

I’ve been away and am trying to catch up on everyone’s blogs. I’m going to search your archives for your BlogHer recap – can’t wait to hear about all the illicit activity you were involved in (there was some, right?) I wish I could have been there!

15. Heidi - August 16, 2006

Am thinking of you. Why does life have to throw everything to you at once?

16. aovjldlmo - December 6, 2006


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17. Vaha - December 21, 2006

just test soft-a :))))

18. vigilancia por internet casinos - January 6, 2007

de, – Sunday, February 22, 2004 at 11:47:29 (PST)

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