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Because I can’t just leave this one alone June 30, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.
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If you read my “When life gives you lemons” post, you’ll find a comment from MissA in which she suggests that it is wrong of me to feel what I feel and that I didn’t care about my mother in law. I tried to send MissA an email discussing it with her, but surprise surprise-the I.P. address is spoofed and the email is fake. Something about knowing that I was writing to a stranger brought out some deep feelings, so I’m going to post the email I wrote here. You don’t have to read it, or comment on it, this is one of those posts that is just to get something off of one’s chest.

MissA wrote:

So let me understand this… Your mother in law DIES and you’re pissed because it upset your routine? Sounds like a completely sensitive route to take. I hope your husband cared more for her than you obviously did.

My attempted email reply:
MissA,
  
  You completely missed the point of my post. I’m not “pissed”, I’m stressed out and upset. I wrote the post knowing that my regular readers would be understanding and leave me nice, supportive comments. When someone in my blog community has a problem they write a post about it, and then we help each other.

  I don’t understand why you felt the need to attack me personally. You don’t know me at all, you have no idea what I’m going through right now, and you certainly didn’t know my mother in law at all. Has anyone in your family ever committed suicide? No?  Ever spent years and years trying to help someone, hoping that if you love them enough they will stop drinking themselves to death? No?  I hope to God you never do.
  
  As for your question, my husband cared for his mother to the extent that she would let him, as did I. What really upsets us is that this did not need to happen. She had us, other family members and friends begging her to get help. She talked her way out of the hospital by promising to go to rehab, then went to the intake appointment and lied about having been sober for more than a month. She lied about eating, lied about taking care of herself.
  
  If she had a terminal illness, or a grave injury, and we knew there was a chance she could die, that would be one thing. You said in your comment “your mother in law DIES” as if she had a car accident or breast cancer. She drank herself to death. Her refrigerator was almost completely empty except for a gallon bottle of vodka, which was never there when we went to visit. God knows where she was hiding it. The food in the cupboards was the exact same food we bought her in March when she went to the hospital. She told us she was going to work and going to AA meetings.
  
So maybe I am angry. My husband no longer has a mother, my children no longer have their Nana. She didn’t have to die. I know alcoholism is a disease, but there is also treatment and help available for it. She turned down our offer to leave the tiny town where she lived alone and move in with us, because she wanted to keep drinking. I’m feeling stressed out and short-tempered because as frustrated and upset as we
were with her drinking, I’d rather have her drinking and alive than dead.
  
If you have any other questions or comments I’d appreciate you
emailing me directly.
  
  Elizabeth

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Comments»

1. Becki - July 1, 2006

It seemed rather clear to me from the last post that your dismay was from the circumstances of your MIL’s death, rather than the fact that it “upset your routine.”It’s one thing for someone to disagree with you.People have a right to disagree, even to think terrible things about you and your motivations. But some people seem to take great pleasure from criticizing others without being willing to stand up for their own comments by identifying themselves. Such people are cowards and are best ignored.

2. mamatulip - July 1, 2006

I have to agree with the above poster — people like that are cowards that don’t deserve second thoughts.

3. Nancy - July 1, 2006

What Becki and Mama Tulip said. Although I also couldn’t resist replying to MissA, she doesn’t even have the integrity to leave her own information when commenting. She is a coward and just completely wrong. Therefore you already have been overly nice by responding to her — don’t give it another moment of your time, instead think ahead to the fun we shall have at BLOGHER!!

4. tori - July 2, 2006

I never can understand why people post anonymously…unless they are going to not even really read what you meant and leave nasty mean comments, then I guess it makes sense. I haven’t yet had a mean one but I know someday it is coming. Rest assured, I understood why you were upset. Clearly you were not annoyed with her for dying, just struggling to understand why this had to happen.

5. Undercover Angel - July 2, 2006

People who comment anonymously are yellow bellied scoundrels! To think that A went so far as to spoof the IP and give a fake email address, shows that this person is a down and out coward.

Your readers understand why you were upset, and we are there for you. Ignore the trolls…

6. Izzy - July 2, 2006

I totally “got” what you meant in your original post. As for “MissA” which surely stands for “anonymous” or perhaps another “a” word that I won’t dirty up your blog with, you don’t owe her or anyone else an explanation, especially a troll who won’t share their identity. Seriously, you don’t.

Put your haterblockers on and fuggetabout it 🙂

7. Chantal - July 3, 2006

It’s easy to hide behind an anonymous IP address and fake name and say what you want. The one bad thing about the internet is people think that because they’re not speaking directly to your face, they can be assholes. I daresay that most of those who do it would not act like that in real life. Some would and that sucks ass. Do you really want to worry about what either kind of person thinks?

I got your tone and message 100% and would have reacted the same way.

8. Catherine - July 3, 2006

It was a beautifully-written response, Elizabeth, even if “Miss A” is too despicable to deserve such a thoughtful reply. I’d love to believe she (or he or IT) read this and is now crawling back under their rock to think it over.

9. mrsfortune - July 3, 2006

Ooh, I just LOVE those anonymous comments! That takes so much courage, you know? To call someone out over something you really don’t understand and then leave them no way to even respond. LOVE THAT! Go you, Miss A. I think that stands for “asshole.” I mean, say wht you want but at least have the balls to let someone respond to you directly.

10. Lanna - July 5, 2006

I felt bad about commenting after that post… I wished I could’ve deleted it before you got it. You’ve already got enough to deal with right now.

11. Dawn - July 7, 2006

Elizabeth, Anonymous posters suck. I am leanring to ignore them too. But it does rankle doesn’t it?

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