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“When life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat your damn lemons “ June 28, 2006

Posted by table4five in personal thoughts.

If there is one thing that is obvious about me to anyone who knows me at all, it is that I am not a spontaneous person. I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next week. Not to the extent that I plan out every day in minute detail, but for the most part I want to have an idea of what is coming.

Therefore, when life throws me a curve, like it did with the death of my MIL, it wreaks all kinds of havoc in my life. Obviously, except in rare cases, no one ever knows ahead of time that someone is going to die. And I am NOT whining about all the things that need to be done, all the dozens of phone calls that need to be made and people that need to be contacted.  That is what I do when someone is sick or in need, I sweat the details.

What I don’t like is the amount of pressure I put on myself and the resulting stress. All week I have been grouchy, irritated, snapping at the kids and my husband and even the dog, for no good reason except that I feel out of sorts. Yesterday, for example, there was a skunk walking down the street in front of my house, and like an idiot I said to the boys “oh look, a skunk”, and opened the front door for them to see. What do you think happened?

The dog practically knocked me on my ass running out the front door, ran like his tail was on fire down the street, and then, you guessed it, got sprayed right in the face. I’m sure my neighbors really appreciated me screaming “ELVIS! NO! NO! STOP!” at 9:00 in the morning. I knew exactly what was going to happen and was powerless to stop it. So now, my dog smells like skunk and Nature’s Miracle Skunk Odor Remover Shampoo, which is a ghastly smell indeed.

I went out all by myself for a while tonight, and decided I needed a Frappuccino, even if it means going to BlogHer weighing 172 pounds and not 142 like I wanted. The only Starbucks in town is located inside a Barnes and Noble, so it’s like a Crack Den with extra Crack.

I spent way too much time there. I always feel like somewhere on the shelves is THE book, the one with all the answers to all the problems in my life-the perfect housekeeping system, the perfect diet or exercise plan, the perfect…something. Instead of the perfect book, I found twenty dollars in my wallet that I was planning to spend on a bath for the dog at PetSmart, only the nice ladies at the grooming salon sprayed him with de-skunkifier for free (thanks, ladies, you rock!). So, I spent that twenty, on Frappuccino AND a chocolate chunk brownie, full of fat, sugar and carbs, plus Vanity Fair with Sandra Bullock on the cover (I want her hair, NOW), and a book of Logic puzzles for weekend escape/diversion.

Thus, there was light at the end of the tunnel. I’m going to try to remember to breathe at least a little deeply, and to not let this change in my routine be such a big crisis. I know everything will get done, and life will eventually go on as planned. You know what would really help? Comments. Please, delurk and tell me your suggestions for not going completely batshit crazy. And please tell me it’s okay to go to BlogHer exactly as I am.



1. Izzy - June 29, 2006

Everything you said is true. It will all get sorted out, life will return to normal and of course it’s fine to go to BlogHer just as you are. It’s easy for me to say it about someone else but believe me, I understand your need to hear it. Now say it back to me 🙂

2. i'd rather not say - June 29, 2006

xanax or ativan. not enough to zonk you. not without a presciption. not everyday or to get hooked on. just to take a very low dose as needed when you can “see it coming”. or when you don’t. within 45 minutes you will be less irritable, and more functional, and people will look to you and say, “how do you hold up so well?” and it won’t matter if you drink too much coffee. alternatively you could learn self-relaxation techniques and let us all know how that goes for you. i know that is the “right” answer but what do you tell your kids when you fail to be able to accomplish that ideal? especially the way getting thrown from your routine brings it on. sounds like anxiety to me. talk to your primary care giver. or don’t. just one option to consider that is safer that alcohol if used responsibly.

3. mamatulip - June 29, 2006

You sound just like me; I would have probably reacted in the same way. Of course you should go to BlogHer just as you are. And once things are settled life will be easier to deal with. Hang in there.

4. tori - June 29, 2006

I hate when I feel so out of control with busyness/stress that I yell at my kids. I did that this past week and feel sad. They are only being kids and have no idea why I am stressed. I say of course you can go to BlogHer just as you are. People like you from the internet, why wouldn’t they like you in person too? I think it is Oprah that says that you need to love the you that you are now instead of waiting to love the you that you could be. You are good enough just how you are!

5. E. - June 29, 2006

People read your blog because they like you as you are. They’ll want to see you at BlogHer and like you as you are there too. Otherwise, they’re not really your friends (like that little “After School Special” moment?)

I’m the same way. Whenever I meet someone new, or I re-connect with someone I haven’t seen in years, I HAVE TO STRESS about losing 10 pounds in 2 days or something. Because, you know, if I’m the perfect weight all the other annoying things about me will suddenly cease to matter. 🙂

Have a good time at BlogHer. I want a brownie now. And a frappucino.

6. mrsfortune - June 29, 2006

I wish I was going to blogher to meet you, exactly as you are. 🙂 Sometimes you just gotta have that frappucino (or in my case, the filet-o-fish, but who’s counting?)

7. roo - June 30, 2006

Hey! 142 pounds is my dream weight, too! And I sure as hell won’t be weighing that by the time we get to Blogger. Who gives a f? I’m just so excited for the chance to meet you. It’s gonna be so awesome!

Until then, go a little easier on yourself. Of COURSE you’re feeling freaked out and irritable. Any one in your situation would be feeling the same way. You can get through it, though. And in less than a month, we’ll be partying like it’s 2006!

MMmmm… Frappucino…

8. roo - June 30, 2006

Oh, and I heard (from my aunt, who has owned several overly curious golden retrievers) that Massengil douche is actually reall good at getting skunk smell out of dog fur.

Though the trip to the cash register with a crate of douche might be a bit embarrassing…

9. Mrs. Chicky - June 30, 2006

Eew, skunk smell. Ick.

Enjoy your frappucino with zero guilt. No one is going to throw their martini at you at Blogher for being a less than desirable weight… and that weight is only less than desirable in your mind. You deserve an icy, caffeinated beverage from time to time.

btw, I don’t have your email address. send it to me so I can help you with your Elvis issues!


10. Catherine - June 30, 2006

May I help you to feel better by proclaiming what an idiot I am, Elizabeth. I haven’t been by here because my Feedburner hasn’t shown me that you are posting. I just dropped by on a whim and realized, DUH, you’re address has changed and now has the word WORDPRESS in there!! I’m going to go update now. Meanwhile, have some extra crack at the crackden for me. I won’t be at BlogHer, but I’m with the rest of these women in that I’d love to meet you, even if you weighed 300 lbs.

11. Catherine - June 30, 2006

Feedblitz, not Feedburner. I mean FEEDBLITZ! Sheesh, I don’t know that I’ll ever get all this blog lingo down.

12. MissA - June 30, 2006

So let me understand this… Your mother in law DIES and you’re pissed because it upset your routine? Sounds like a completely sensitive route to take. I hope your husband cared more for her than you obviously did.

13. Lanna - June 30, 2006

You are going to BlogHer as *yourself*, not someone else. So whatever you look like, feel like, etc. at that time is you. And they’ll love you. Besides, you have to go so we can live vicariously through you. 🙂

I totally hear you on the life disruption thing, got some of that happening over here myself (but I can’t post about it on the blog yet until my parents get ahold of my sister).

14. table4five - June 30, 2006

So what’s the protocol here? Do I leave MissA’s comment up even though she doesn’t know me at all and obviously didn’t even read the post all the way through before commenting? Anyone else want to bet that she is also “Annie”, who complained about how I wrote about needing to catch up on housework yet had written her own post about SHAMPOOING HER CARPET and posted a PHOTO of her STEAM CLEANER?

Gosh, my very first troll. I guess I’ve arrived, huh?

15. Nancy - July 1, 2006

Woo hoo! Definitely, a troll means you’ve arrived.

Obviously MissA does not have a CLUE about you. She does not know you and she doesn’t even try to understand (or maybe she is too damn dense.) It’s completely normal to react to upsetting events with stress, and that by no means minimizes the grief and sadness you are feeling. MissA, you need to get a life and go find someone else to be bitchy with.

And by the way — can’t wait to see you at BlogHer. You are YOU, the person I can’t wait to meet regardless of weight or manicure status or hairstyle or clothes. You’re a great person inside

16. E. - July 2, 2006

Someone I know (not me, I swear, NOT. ME.) when her father was dying of cancer was really, really concerned because it was her last semester of college and it was the day before finals and she had to leave the state. Was she worried about her dad? Yeah, but she was really worried about her finals and graduation. I know, selfish twerp, right?

You show me the person who reacts rationally to a death in the family, and I’ll show you someone who had absolutely no relationship to the person who died.

17. mothergoosemouse - July 4, 2006

Elizabeth, may I second what Catherine said? I haven’t been here lately because you’ve not been updating in my Bloglines. I feel terrible that I haven’t been here for you. Please don’t think it was intentional.

That said, I have to agree with talking to your primary care provider. Maybe a script isn’t necessary, but it never hurts to get some insight into how you’re feeling, especially with the out-of-the-ordinary stress you’ve been under.

And don’t you dare change a thing before coming to BlogHer. I can hardly wait to meet you.

18. V-Grrrl - July 7, 2006

People think grief is all about seeing sad and weepy or silent and withdrawn or stoic and wise. Grief is anger, irritability, denial, numbness–a scope of emotions as deep as it is broad.

Don’t let anyone tell you how you “should” feel or act.

19. Dawn - July 7, 2006

You know that I love you just the way you are. And I’ll even sing it ala Billy Joel if needed

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21. nationwide - January 16, 2007

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