jump to navigation

OOPS! And Also, What Was I Thinking? April 29, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I served my son fermented orange juice this morning.

And not the good kind of fermented, like the Hard Cider I drank in pubs all over London as a college student on Overseas Study.

The kind of fermented that happens when you leave a pitcher of reconstituted Minute Maid Pulp-Free in the back of the refrigerator for two months, then pull it out in a weak attempt to get a serving of fruit with your scrambled egg and bacon breakfast. And then your son takes a sip and says, “this juice tastes sour”, and you’re thinking he only thinks it’s sour because it’s not as sweet as, say, chocolate milk.

And then you take a sip which you immediately spit out into the sink while simultaneously dumping out your glass, then you whirl around and grab the glass sitting in front of your son and dump that down the sink. You peer anxiously at his face, praying that it doesn’t turn green, asking him “how much did you drink?” and wondering how fast you can find the number for Poison Control.

NOTE TO SELF: Don’t leave orange juice in the fridge for two months. It’s barely a fruit serving anyway, what with the lack of fiber and all. Stick to chocolate milk. You always smell milk first before pouring it, so there’s little chance of drinking it after it spoils. Plus, chocolate milk never lasts that long at the rate your family drinks it.

That is all.


Friday Fun with Stats April 28, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I’m glad I signed up with SiteMeter. It’s interesting to know that people from other countries are reading my blog, or at least clicking past it. In past weeks I’ve seen hits from England, Bolivia and of course, Canada. Funny how Canada is right there, yet I sometimes forget it’s actually a whole other country.

This week I had hits from across the country, from Hoboken, New Jersey to Hollywood, California, and from Yellowknife, Northwest Territories to Kissimmee, Florida.

As for search phrases, I finally figured out how to read the google strings and extrapolate out the search terms. Here’s a few recent ones:

five meals on grocery bag martha stewart I wish the person who found me from this Google search would come back and tell me exactly how one makes five meals that Martha Stewart would approve of out of one grocery bag. Really, that would be helpful to me. I find my grocery bag stew to be so dry.

I think my BP just went up a notch or two higher than usual First of all, what are you doing sitting in front of the computer? Run down to the nearest Rite Aid, stick your arm in that cuff thing and take your blood pressure! Also, try to shorten your search phrases a bit.

skinless chicken tights receipt Well, I used skinless chicken in my Cola Chicken recipe, I mentioned Kaitlyn wearing tights for Easter, and I talked about my Aldi receipt, so that explains how they found me. But what I’m really wondering is, if you buy skinless chicken and it’s wearing tights, your receipt ain’t gonna help. I’m pretty sure the store won’t give you your money back.

I lost two pounds this week. Go me.

Also, Kaitlyn? Would like to say Hi. I wish Hanna Andersson made this outfit in my size. Think I could convince Old Navy that soft cotton knit pants festooned with butterflies and tulips are the next big thing?

Thursday American Idol Recap April 27, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

Sorry this took so long to do today. Kaitlyn has been practicing her squealing and screeching all morning. Plus, errands, and stuff. But here I go:

This week’s theme was Classic Love Songs. You would think that love songs would be easy to sing, right? Actually, no. This was the week that really separated the good singers from the just-okay singers.

This week’s coaches were Andrea Bocelli and David Foster. Now Bocelli seems like a nice enough guy, but the only reason he’s on is that he has just put out an album of, you guessed it, Classic Love Songs. Also, English is not his first language, and so the clips showing him meeting the contestants also show him saying almost nothing.

David Foster (who produced Bocelli’s Love Songs CD) is a 14-time Grammy Award winner who has, according to his website davidfoster.com, worked with just about anybody who’s anybody.

As a side note, if you click on that link, you’ll hear music by someone called Renee Olstead. She has a beautiful singing voice in an Alicia Keys kind of way. On the bottom left is a little window with an audio player, click to find it. Ooh, now it’s “Sway” by Michael Buble. Cool.

OKAY. On to the performances:

Katherine went first, singing Whitney Houston’s “I Have Nothing“, from Whitney’s pre-crack ho days. She looked beautiful as usual (Katherine, not Whitney), and sang the whole song like she was belting it out to the cheap seats. And got BLASTED by all three judges for taking on a song that was “too big for her voice”(Randy), “pushed her voice too much” (Paula), and “insinuated that she was just like Whitney, which she is not” (Simon). OUCH!

Elliott went next, singing “A Song For You” by Donny Hathaway. I thought he was fantastic. Really. He had good pitch and breath control, and put just enough of his own style into it without overdoing it. Randy said he didn’t like the arrangement, but thought Elliott was “the bomb”. Then there was Paula. Weepy, drunk or possibly zonked out on painkillers Paula, with big fat tears streaming down her face. It’s so sad there’s no point in even making fun of her anymore. She went on for too long about how he had “moved her” and that he was the American Idol. Thanks, Paula. Simon was uncharacteristically positive, saying that Elliott’s singing was “like a vocal master class” and was “superb”. Wow, who would have thunk it?

And then there was Pickler. She sat down with Seacrest for the little chat and explained that she was singing “Unchained Melody” from the movie “Ghost”. Ryan asked her if she was dedicating it to anyone special and she actually said “you know that scene in Ghost with the pottery? Ain’t it sweet? I don’t have anyone to play pottery with.” Oh, and when she sang for Bocelli and Foster, Foster asked Bocelli, who is blind, if he could guess what color Kellie’s hair was. “Blonde”, he said. Making fun of her is just too easy. Foster also had her practice hitting the highest note in the song, and despite suggesting that she stay on the note longer, she couldn’t do it in her performance. Here’s a quote from americanidol.com/recaps:

“Randy felt that it wasn’t the right song and that the only good thing about it was the fact that she wasn’t out of tune singing the high note. Paula said that she adores her but that she doesn’t really see her raising the bar each week. Simon said that her performance warranted tears, but for a different reason. He said that there was no heart or warmth to the performance and that she was like a robot.”

Paris sang next, she chose Barbara Streisand’s “The Way We Were“. It might not have been the best idea for her to remind voters just how young she is by admitting that she hasn’t been in love yet. Her singing was sweet, as usual, but nothing spectacular. Randy said she was good but “didn’t blow him away”, Paula said it was the best female vocal of the evening, and Simon made the confusing observation that it sounded like she was “impersonating an older singer”. Um, Simon, Barbra Streisand IS older than Paris. So that’s exactly what she was doing.

Taylor sang James Ingram’s “Just Once“. In the rehearsal, Bocelli called Taylor’s voice “interesting’. Which is a polite way of saying not that good, I think. I can see why Taylor would pick that song, James Ingram has that scratchy kind of voice that Taylor has, but it just didn’t sound right. I don’t know what it was. Randy called it “weird karaoke”. Paula said something to the effect that even though it seemed like Taylor was made to sing Ingram’s songs, it wasn’t the right song choice. Simon compared it to a performance by a lounge singer. And then Paula, in some sort of hyped-up fit, jumped up, pointed at Taylor and screamed “but we LOVE YOU! We LOVE YOU!”. Um, okay.

Last to sing was my man Chris, singing Bryan Adam’s “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?”. In the rehearsal, David Foster told him he was singing too much from his throat, and suggested he try an exercise that Bocelli himself uses. He had Chris lay down on the floor and sing the song. You might already know that laying down automatically forces you to breathe from your diaphragm. It completely changed the way Chris sang the song. And he was all smoldering looks and bedroom eyes and…where was I? Sorry. Oh, and he was wearing this long pinstriped coat, which Randy thought was hot along with his performance. Paula once again jumped up with the finger-pointing and the yelling of “LOVE YOU! LOVE YOU”. Yeah. Simon, once again surprisingly positive, called it a “very very good song choice” and a “great performance”.

Fast forward to Wednesday, with Ryan Seacrest dividing the six into three groups of two. Katherine and Chris got the highest votes (damn right!), Elliott and Taylor were safe, and Paris and Pickler were the bottom two. I thought it was funny that Ryan called her “Pickler”. And then, the heavens opened up, and a ray of sunlight beamed down, and the gods smiled, and PICKLER GOT SENT HOME. AND ELIZABETH DID REJOICE, YEA VERILY.

I’ve left this same comment on a few blogs already, so I apologize if you’ve read this already, but my first thought was David Spade and Helen Hunt on Saturday Night Live, as the Flight Attendants who just want the passengers to get the hell off the plane.

PICKLER, buh-bye. Buh-bye, now. Buh-BYE. Hope that guest spot on the O.C. works out for you. If Lisa Tucker can get one, you’re a shoo-in.

Next week, two songs each. One from the year they were born and one from the week’s Top Ten Billboard Chart. See you then.

Sorry, But I Can’t Wait For Tomorrow To Write This April 26, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

OK, if you’re reading this blog and you live in a Western time zone and haven’t seen American Idol yet, or you TiVOed it and haven’t watched yet, look away from the screen now.

OK, it’s just us now? Good. Because I have one thing to say…

PICKLER! Buh-bye! Buh-bye, now. Buh-BYE!

I must have done a really good deed to deserve this kind of karma. Thank you, powers-that-be. Thanks for finally listening.

I Really need to work on my Funny April 26, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I made a change here that I thought was funny, and I IMed my husband and said “hey, look” and he was all “I don’t get it”. Sigh.

It’s really sad when you have to include a long, drawn-out explanation as to why something is funny. Like how I felt compelled to hint that my t-shirt slogan was from a song, so people would see it and go, “ohhhh, I get it.”

Over there on the sidebar is my blogroll, under the words “People I’d Like To Have Coffee With” . Chelle cleverly designed it as a scroll-down menu inside a window, with a button underneath to click once the desired blog is selected.

God, that last sentence sounded like product packaging copy, so already not making the funny. Bear with me.

Keeping with the whole Coffee theme, Chelle suggested that the text inside the window say “Grinding the beans” and the button text say “Brew is done“. You might have noticed them if you ever used my blogroll as a quick-link to someone else’s blog. Now these are perfectly fine, and thanks Chelle, but I thought I’d try out something different. So I came up with something I thought was funny.

Remember that video that came out last Christmas with the Burger King guy singing “Would you like an apple pie with tha-at?” and ending with “Ding! Fries are Done!“? Anybody? And yes, I know it was somewhat insensitive, as the man in the video appeared to be mentally challenged, but it was still kind of funny. At least to me. Here’s the link:http://www.ebaumsworld.com/flash/burgerking.html

So I changed the text inside the blogroll window to say “Would you like a blog with that?” and the button text to “Ding! Blog is Done!“. And my husband didn’t get it. And then once I explained it to him in a somewhat shorter but still drawn-out explanation, his reaction was, shall we say, polite.


Gratuitous picture of the cutest little muffin girl ever. Smooch!

Coffee Mugs and Classmates.com April 25, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I’m so happy that my t-shirt is getting such a great response from my readers. I forgot to mention that if you buy a shirt, please email me a picture of you wearing it and I’ll post it here and add a photo gallery to the sidebar.

Also, Mrs. Fortune and Arabella asked for a mug, so I added a large mug to the shop. I only added a $2.00 profit on that because I just couldn’t see asking people to spend $15.00 on a mug. I wonder how I could add an image of an empty piggy bank to my sidebar and show it filling up as I make sales. Anyone know how to do that?

So here’s something completely dumb and juvenile to think about-why does the thought of seeing my old High School friends fill me with fear and dread? My band teacher is retiring, and there’s a party for him at the High School, and I just got a Classmates.com email from an old friend asking me to come.

My very first thought? I can’t let these people see me when I weigh 175 pounds! When they last saw me I weighed barely 100 pounds. They’ll think I died and was replaced by a small elephant.

Can I seriously be worrying about what my old friends might think of how I look? And wondering how weird it will be to see my old boyfriend Bill, who married my old best friend Kelly, the writer of the aforementioned email. At our 10 year reunion, he ignored me in a way that told me he was actually paying a lot of attention to me, but didn’t want me to think he was, you know? We dated on and off for four years, he would “go with” me, then “go with” Kelly for a while, then come back to me. How pathetic is that?

The more I think about it, the more I think that High School was a long, long time ago, and I’m not looking for any kind of validation from people I knew way back then. I’ll send the band teacher a lovely card congratulating him on his retirement and leave it at that.

Update: Are you watching American Idol? I missed Katherine, but ELLIOTT! Wow. Although I could have done without Paula crying. Boo-hoo, blah blah blah.

Everybody blog together, try to love one another right now April 23, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I can’t believe I did it! Me, the most un-crafty person ever. But so many other people were doing it, so I thought I would at least try. And I did it!

I. Made. A. T-Shirt.

Holy crap, y’all. See how excited I am? I’m using words like y’all, and I live in Michigan.

For some time now, I’ve had this phrase stuck in my head. A phrase that I thought would be humorous on a t-shirt. I may be the only one who finds it humorous, or knows the song I’m referencing. Big imaginary bonus points to the person who knows the song, even more points if you remember the name of the band.

Would you like a t-shirt of your very own? Better yet, would you like to help send me to (gulp) BlogHer 2007? Then please clicky-click on the link on the sidebar, the one right above the Flickr link, go to my shop, and buy!

Like Dawn, I also would encourage you to email me if there’s another item you would like to buy besides the t-shirts I have available. I don’t really know what other types of shirts people like to wear, so I will absolutely custom order anything for anyone. I’m also open to any other suggestions about the style, font color, etc.

And can we just talk for a minute about what happens to my heart rate and blood pressure when I think about the possibility of going to next year’s BlogHer? When I think about meeting everybody (and you had all BETTER be planning to go next year darn it!), I get this fluttery feeling in my stomach. But I would really, really like to go, and this t-shirt thing is the only way I can think of to make some of the money.

So now I have a t-shirt of my very own. Yay me.

Update: Mrs. Harridan gets my imaginary billion bonus points for knowing it was originally Romeo Void. That song was considered quite subversive when it first came out, which is pretty funny considering what is mentioned in rap lyrics now. And I really do mean it if anyone has suggestions for changes. My SIL Mightymouse Mommy is much better at this computer stuff than me and we are working on an update for the shirt, but feel free to put in your two cents.

Part Two, The One With the Surprises April 21, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

Last Friday, Chris had the day off from work since it was Good Friday and his family-owned company was nice enough to give everyone a long weekend. We ran a few errands in the morning, had a restaurant lunch that did not involve a children’s menu or anyone spilling their milk (Kaitlyn was a perfect angel who slept in the car seat through the whole meal), and then came home to find a surprise. I knew it was coming, in theory, but when Dawn said she was sending me two big boxes of baby clothes, I honestly expected them to be about the size of those boxes that copy paper comes in. Instead, what I got was these:

Each box was filled to bursting with the coolest clothes for a baby, toddler and preschool age girl I’ve ever seen. Almost all of them either Hanna Andersson or Gymboree. It was better than Christmas. There were some definite treasures in those boxes, like a t-shirt that read “Ben & Jerry’s Pint-Sized Fun”, and a pair of Fuschia suede clogs. (Note: Although this picture was right-side up in CompuPic, no matter what I did it came out turned 90 degrees. No idea why. The t-shirt is on the far right.)

So of course I immediately started playing dress-up with the baby. The first outfit I put on her was this pink striped dress with hot pink leggings.

It was so cute on her, but unfortunately she spit up on it shortly after I took the picture, so I changed her into another outfit, proving once again that she is adorable in any color of clothing.

There were so many amazing things in those boxes I would need a whole separate post just to list them all. Suffice it to say that I won’t need to buy Kaitlyn any clothes for the next four years. Seriously. Dawn said in an email that she was glad the clothes were going to someone who would not only wear them but love them. And she’s right on about that.

THEN, this past Friday, I got another surprise in the mail from Tammie, a Soul Gardening mix CD! And a card with a kitty wearing kitty-shaped sunglasses which made me say “awwww” when I opened the envelope. Once this crazy weekend I’m having is over, I’m looking forward to a quiet house on Monday so I can listen to it while I do all the chores I won’t get to do until then. I think that CD will definitely make mopping the kitchen floor and vacuuming the whole house a lot more pleasant. Thanks again, Tammie!

Coming up next: Our trip to Central Michigan University for the Destination Imagination State Finals, also known as why I think our coach was really, really lame and other stories.

Two Posts for the Price of One April 21, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I have tons of pictures taken over the last week, Easter ones and surprises in the mail. I’ll do Easter first.

Except for Christmas, I am not very good at doing the whole Holiday hoopla. I never buy new clothes for the boys, we don’t go to Church, I buy an egg dying kit every year and never use it. But this year, we did host dinner at our house for my Dad and my Grandma. I cleaned like crazy, put out a collection of bunny figurines, and tossed eggs around the backyard for the boys to “find”. It went something like this:

After tossing plastic eggs filled with candy around the back yard, I gave my kids their Easter baskets. I really had to resist the urge to treat Easter like Christmas as far as the gift-giving went. I restrained myself admirably at Target, buying Nathan a set of Easter Hot Wheels and Ryan a new Star Wars chapter book.

Yes, Kaitlyn is wearing her first ever dress, and teeny tiny tights with rows of ruffled lace. I had to hand sew the edges of two of the rows of lace because they had come undone, and Chris was genuinely surprised to see me sitting there with a needle and thread making tiny stitches. I do have some domestic skills after all.

Kaitlyn took a while to warm up to Grandma, who she’s only seen a few times, but once she did, she was comfortable with her.
Our large dining table, which has been in the basement since we moved. I set it with our good china and crystal and silverware that belonged to my other Grandma, because why not?

After dinner I changed Kaitlyn into jammies and Nathan introduced his new stuffed Bunny to his beloved Tiger. Bunny and Tiger spent several minutes chatting and getting acquainted. I love this kid.

It might not have been a Martha Stewart Easter, but it was a good day nevertheless.

Thursday American Idol Recap April 20, 2006

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

Well, I was only one-third right on my final three prediction. What a shock that was! And what a sucky thing to do to Taylor, asking him to join the group that he thought was safe. So he walks over to Chris, Ace, and Paris, and he was wrong.

The theme this week was “standards recorded by Rod Stewart and a bunch of other people too” or something. Here’s how it went:

Chris sang “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong. He sounded amazing. The judges have been after him for weeks to show he can sing a different style of music, and he proved he can croon with the best of them. If he doesn’t win, he damn well better get a record deal anyway. Why he ended up in the bottom three is a great mystery to me. Listen up America, do NOT vote off my new American Idol boyfriend Chris Daughtry. If you purposely didn’t vote for him to increase Pickler’s chances, cut that crap out.

Paris sang “These Foolish Things” by Billie Holliday. As wrong as her dress was last week, this week’s Nancy Reagan red power suit was no better. But as usual, she sounded fantastic. How someone who talks like she just sucked the helium out of a kid’s party balloon can sing like an old soul like that is beyond me.

Taylor sang “You Send Me” by Sam Cooke. Dammit, he sounded really good. This was like the absolutely perfect song for his voice, and it’s a good style for him vocally. But he still did that weird crouching over-arm jerking thing, which he should stop doing now. I’d rather have him just stand there like a statue.

Elliott sang “It Had Be You” by, well, everybody. He was okay. But surprisingly, not in the bottom three this week like he was the last two weeks. Suddenly he’s getting the votes?

Kellie sang “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” by Ella Fitzgerald. America, I’m only gonna say this one more time. Stop voting for Kellie Pickler. Just stop. Being cute and blonde does not automatically mean she’s the next American Idol. We already have one of those, her name is Carrie Underwood, and she’s not exactly an enormous star now. So please. Kellie started out okay, but the song was too much for her and it ended with her barely hanging on. And she said, right on stage, that she butchered it, and she still got the votes. What do I have to do, America?

Ace sang “That’s All” by Nat King Cole. The wardrobe department must have suggested he try a Rat Pack-type look, but it was wrong. He looked like a creepy guy who would hang around outside a playground ogling the children. If you didn’t see it, he wore this really tight-fitting suit and his hair was greased back into what looked like a ballerina bun but was actually a ponytail. As for his singing, it was okay, but he wavered on the pitch a little. And then, he got voted off. How do I feel about that, since I’ve been backing him since the beginning? Unfortunately, I think he showed he doesn’t have the vocal strength of Chris or Katherine.

Katherine sang “Someone to Watch Over Me”. Dammit again, she was so, so good. And she sings to the camera so well. I guess if Chris can’t win, I would be okay with Katherine winning. I just always think about what happens after they win, the recording of the CD and the appearances and the touring. Can I see Katherine doing that? No, I can see her guest-starring on Veronica Mars. But if it has to be a female winner, it should be Katherine.

Next week, classic love songs and coaching by Andrea Bocelli. It shouldn’t be hard for the remaining six to find a good love song to sing, so it should be another tight competition.