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Mom vs. Kitchen : TKO October 4, 2005

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

I think my kitchen hates me. Or it’s just one of those days where I really shouldn’t attempt to do, well, anything, because it’s going to backfire anyway.

After getting BC and the boys off to work/school, I like to make myself a cup of coffee and some breakfast and enjoy the quiet of the house. I found a box of Lemon Poppyseed Quick Bread mix in the cupboard, mmm, muffins! So I mix up the batter, spilling a little egg white on the counter in the process, and get the pan in the oven. I clean up the egg white and turn my attention to the dishes. We finished dinner later than usual last night and so the dishes were rinsed and stacked in the sink to be washed. We do not own a dishwasher. We can’t seem to buy a house that comes with one, nor do the kitchens in said houses have room for one, whaddya gonna do?

I get the water running, put some dish soap on a Mr. Clean dishcloth (love them!), and pick up the first plate. It is one of those heavy duty plastic plates with divided compartments. Not the disposable kind, I think I bought these in the storage container section of Target. Anyway, the water hits one of the compartments, runs down to the raised edge, and shoots straight out, splashing the edge of the sink, the floor, and me. There is a loud swear word spoken. And its not clean water either, because it contains the residue of ketchup or Sloppy Joe sauce or something left in the plate. So I turn off the water, get my spray bottle of Mr. Clean and water (love it!) and some paper towel, and wipe down the sink, cupboard and floor. Miraculously, my t-shirt is dry.

I make my coffee in one of these every morning. I love it because it makes one big cup and is so much easier to clean than a coffee pot. I buy whole bean coffee at the grocery store, run it through a coarse grind, and store it in the fridge. So I get the water boiling and the coffee ready.

I’m almost done with the dishes at this point, there is a frying pan on the stove from last night’s Sloppy Joes. I pick it up, start moving it to the sink, realize it is full of water, and of course tip the pan and spill the greasy, tomatoey water on the sink, cupboard and floor. There are more, louder, swear-ier words shouted instead of just spoken. I get out the Mr. Clean again, and proceed to wipe everything down, again.

The timer goes off for the muffins. The directions said 15-25 minutes, at 15 minutes they were very pale and wet looking, so I set them for another 5. I pour the boiling water into the French Press, spilling only a little bit, dry the sauce pan and pour in some milk to warm up since I am out of half-n-half. I set the burner on the lowest setting. I notice there is a spoon and spoon rest on the back of the stove that need washing. Our stove is my favorite thing about the kitchen, it is one of those sealed glass cooktop types, no ugly coils and drip pans, just4 nice burners that glow when they’re hot. When the oven is on, however, the entire surface of the stove is also hot. There is a tiny indicator at the back of the stove that reads “Hot Surface”. I always forget it is there. I start to pick up the ceramic spoon rest, which has reached a temperature of 400 degrees along with the oven, and burn my fingers. There’s almost no point in swearing by now.

The timer goes off for the muffins again. 5 minutes earlier they were underdone, now they have hardened and turned a dark golden brown. Which by my standards is burned. Sure enough, they are crusty on the bottom and sides, not soft and tender as good muffins should be. I really need to get out of this kitchen. The last thing to do is finish my coffee. I pour it from the French Press into my favorite mug, pick up the saucepan of milk from the stove, and pour it in. The milk swirls into the cup and then forms little clumps all over the top of the coffee. Huh? I look in the pan and sure enough, the heat was just high enough to make a skin on the top of the milk, which is now in my coffee. I will myself to remain calm, and use a spoon to skim off the top inch of the coffee. I add WAY too much sugar, grab two crunchy muffins and get the hell out of there.

The coffee is creamy and sweet, the muffins, although crusty on the outside are lemony and poppy seedy good on the inside, and the house is quiet. Don’t say I can’t look on the bright side.



1. styro - October 7, 2005

Ha ha ha, I hate these kinds of days, when everything starts off wrong and you see the rest of the day stretching out before you as one long opporunity for mistakes and messes. ha ha ha. 🙂 Glad you were able to salvage your morning!

2. janiie - December 31, 2006

are you sure about that?

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