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My Head Is Empty Now September 26, 2005

Posted by table4five in Uncategorized.

When I started this blog I imagined that every day I would have something interesting and witty to write about, I thought my life was just full of amusing anecdotes and special moments worth sharing.

In reality, not so much. The truth is that nothing that seems very interesting happens around here. We live a pretty boring life. Get up, get kids/husband off to school/work, have coffee, read blogs and the news, do some laundry/dishes/vacuuming, take a nap, help kids with homework, make and eat dinner, get the kids in bed, watch some TV, go to sleep. I try to look for the little unique moments (like the “gentlemens” story) but either I’m taking most of them for granted and not paying close enough attention or we’re just not saying anything worth repeating. Do other bloggers keep a piece of paper with them at all times to write down what their kids say? Or do they just have better memories than me?

I could always brag about my kids and how amazingly great they are. Ryan, in his first year at a new school, has already been nominated for both student council and the “Creative Problem Solving Team”, whatever the heck that is. He was picked to be interviewed by our Public TV station about how the school helped with Hurricane Katrina fundraising by collecting school supplies. He gets his work done so fast in school that the teacher told him he could help other students if they need it.

Nathan, who struggled as a kindergartner with both reading and writing, can all of a sudden do both. Let’s be honest, I didn’t work with him over the summer at all, yet this year he can write all the letters and figures out how to spell words by sounding them out. It’s like a lightbulb went on in his head. Also, this is a smaller school district with a slightly higher income base and it does make a difference. Last year when they went to an inner city public school, the teachers spent so much time on discipline and keeping the students focused that the learning really suffered.

My husband told me today that he is quitting smoking. I should mention that he has been very good about only smoking outside so that I don’t inhale the second hand smoke. But it costs a lot of money and he really wants to quit. He did warn me that I should prepare myself for a few weeks of grumpy nastiness . With me an emotional pregnant wreck it should get interesting around here. So there! I’ll have something to write about!

Confession time: As I enter my 30th week of pregnancy, I weigh 200 pounds. I can not adequately put into words how it feels to type that. For as long as I’ve been overweight, 200 was always the unthinkable number, the weight that I was sure I would never reach. But the fact is that by the time I deliver this baby, I will be over 200 pounds. It’s important to mention that I am barely 5 feet tall. And that when I graduated from high school I weighed 95 pounds, and didn’t reach 100 pounds until junior year of college. There are a lot of factors that contributed to my weight gain over the last 17 years, including my two previous pregnancies. And I still don’t understand why my husband( who is so amazing that the mere word doesn’t even begin to describe him) found me attractive and desirable enough to even want to have sex with me when I weighed 189. We did not plan to get pregnant, but we also didn’t take any permanent steps to prevent it after Nathan was born, so it was always a possibility.

Now here I am at week 30, 200 pounds on my 5 foot frame, and I don’t know how I’m going to get through these next 8 or 9 weeks. Thank God my OB schedules planned c-sections for a week to a week and a half before the due date, because I don’t think I could make it otherwise. At night my legs hurt so badly it’s hard to find a position to sit or lie in that is comfortable. And I worry that the weight will make the c-section take longer, or that they won’t know how much epidural to give me or that I’ll have trouble breathing. I’m not so much angry with myself as sad, sad that I couldn’t care enough about myself before this to prevent this weight gain in the first place. It’s hard enough being pregnant in the first place, no matter what you weigh, but this is definitely making it harder. And how do you not beat yourself up for it? The last thing I or anyone in the family needs is more stress, especially since my emotional state affects the baby.

OKAY!! Enough of this, seriously. I need to go and do something else to get my mind off of these feelings of self-pity. There must be a drawer around here somewhere that needs organizing or something. If you stopped by and read this post, and made it all the way to the end, thanks for your time.



1. betterthanyouthink - September 26, 2005

The first steps are difficult. A short walk everyday feels so much better than the cruel things we say to ourself when we dont .

2. Elizabeth - September 27, 2005

Yes, but when one is 30 weeks pregnant and has an almost full-term baby bouncing on one’s bladder at every step, even a short walk is getting difficult.

3. Mother GooseMouse - September 27, 2005

Really? Only 5′ tall? I had envisioned you as much taller.

Now is not the time to worry about any of this stuff, least of all your weight. You’re PG. Worry about how much sleep you’re going to lose in another few weeks.

Seriously, instead of beating yourself up, start a few good habits that will be easy to maintain even in those first few months with a newborn. Drink lots of water. Eliminate all the garbage from the pantry (so that you don’t even have to resist temptation). If you don’t already have one, I highly recommend a Baby Bjorn or other carrier. Great way to get up and about while still “holding” your baby.

I gained 60 lbs when I was PG with Tacy, so I do know the pain of which you speak.

As for writing, write what you find interesting. First and foremost, I think a blog should be an outlet for that individual person, not necessarily written for an audience. And some days it will come easier than others.

Give yourself a big hug for me, OK?

4. Elizabeth - September 27, 2005

Thank you Julie! I was really feeling down when I wrote that post but after a nice talk with my husband and some extra TLC I’m feeling much better.

Funny that you thought I was taller than 5 foot. I don’t usually think about my height unless I’m standing next to my 4’8″ EIGHT year old son or my 6’1″ husband.

5. Nixie Knox - September 27, 2005

I stopped paying attention to the scale when I was pregnant with my daughter. And then, I didn’t work so hard to lose that weight thinking, heck, I want to have another baby…someday. So it came as quite a shock when I was pregnant with my son to find that the size of my transitional clothes for the beginning of pregnancy was the size I was already wearing! I worked hard after he was born to lose weight, but as I have gone back to work and back to school the pounds have been creeping back. I have adopted a Scarlett O’Hara type approach to the weight issue for now, “I will think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.” For now focus on the exciting adventure awaiting you at the arrival of that sweet baby and forget about the mean old number!

6. Elizabeth - September 28, 2005

At my Dr. appt. today I turned my head when I got on the scale because I realize that there’s nothing I can do about it now and I don’t need the extra worry or stress.

Thanks for all the positive words!

7. Belinda - October 1, 2005

Yeah, um…the pregnancy thing, and that awful number? Been there. But you can’t do anything about it right now, and you are right in that stressing over it does not help. I also averted my eyes at weigh-ins, and asked not to be told except in terms of gain/loss. No “big numbers”.

You will be fine. The way the epidural works, if you start to feel anything, they can “turn it up”, so to speak. No worries.

You can come organize all the drawers in my house, if you like.

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