Table for Five

Last night, my husband’s Grandmother passed away in the night. She was in her 80s and living with my husband’s Aunt in New Mexico. As far as I know, she did not know that her daughter, my mother in law, had passed away two weeks ago. She had grown more confused over the years and it was decided that she would not understand.

I didn’t know her very well, but I know that she loved collecting clown figurines, loved the city of San Fransisco, and always wore hats. She was sweet and funny and liked to dance. If you would like, please visit my sister in law’s blog Java Junkie and the Monkey to read another touching tribute.

And since bad news always seems to come in threes, I also got a call from my father’s girlfriend today telling me that he was taken by ambulance to the hospital because he was taking a non-prescription diet pill and had a bad reaction to it. He may have to stay overnight just for observation.

Would you please say a prayer or whatever it is that you do for my family? We are all in pain right now. I feel numb, and yet have so much to do. I don’t even want to answer the phone at this point.

If you read my “When life gives you lemons” post, you’ll find a comment from MissA in which she suggests that it is wrong of me to feel what I feel and that I didn’t care about my mother in law. I tried to send MissA an email discussing it with her, but surprise surprise-the I.P. address is spoofed and the email is fake. Something about knowing that I was writing to a stranger brought out some deep feelings, so I’m going to post the email I wrote here. You don’t have to read it, or comment on it, this is one of those posts that is just to get something off of one’s chest.

MissA wrote:

So let me understand this… Your mother in law DIES and you’re pissed because it upset your routine? Sounds like a completely sensitive route to take. I hope your husband cared more for her than you obviously did.

My attempted email reply:
MissA,
  
  You completely missed the point of my post. I’m not “pissed”, I’m stressed out and upset. I wrote the post knowing that my regular readers would be understanding and leave me nice, supportive comments. When someone in my blog community has a problem they write a post about it, and then we help each other.

  I don’t understand why you felt the need to attack me personally. You don’t know me at all, you have no idea what I’m going through right now, and you certainly didn’t know my mother in law at all. Has anyone in your family ever committed suicide? No?  Ever spent years and years trying to help someone, hoping that if you love them enough they will stop drinking themselves to death? No?  I hope to God you never do.
  
  As for your question, my husband cared for his mother to the extent that she would let him, as did I. What really upsets us is that this did not need to happen. She had us, other family members and friends begging her to get help. She talked her way out of the hospital by promising to go to rehab, then went to the intake appointment and lied about having been sober for more than a month. She lied about eating, lied about taking care of herself.
  
  If she had a terminal illness, or a grave injury, and we knew there was a chance she could die, that would be one thing. You said in your comment “your mother in law DIES” as if she had a car accident or breast cancer. She drank herself to death. Her refrigerator was almost completely empty except for a gallon bottle of vodka, which was never there when we went to visit. God knows where she was hiding it. The food in the cupboards was the exact same food we bought her in March when she went to the hospital. She told us she was going to work and going to AA meetings.
  
So maybe I am angry. My husband no longer has a mother, my children no longer have their Nana. She didn’t have to die. I know alcoholism is a disease, but there is also treatment and help available for it. She turned down our offer to leave the tiny town where she lived alone and move in with us, because she wanted to keep drinking. I’m feeling stressed out and short-tempered because as frustrated and upset as we
were with her drinking, I’d rather have her drinking and alive than dead.
  
If you have any other questions or comments I’d appreciate you
emailing me directly.
  
  Elizabeth

I know, another post.  You'd think this blog was like a personal diary or something. But I just found what might be a cute purse at Target.com, and it's on clearance for only ELEVEN dollars, so I have to act fast! So tell me, is this a cute purse or not?

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=huc_ja_1_img/602-9537438-0104603?%5Fencoding=UTF8&ASIN=B000BT1R70&nodeID=&merchantID=A1VC38T7YXB528 

And then because I can not for any reason wear those thong sandals that have the thing between your toe, because OW, are these cute sandals?

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_14/602-9537438-0104603?%5Fencoding=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B000BLMH22

And yes, I know I should be able to copy the photos from the website and upload them here, but for some reason it's not working. Harrumph.

So? Opinions? Thoughts? Scorn and ridicule? Give it to me!

I think of myself as being fairly intelligent, but I can NOT figure out how to put a SiteMeter button on this page! I can get a SM text link to show up in the blogroll, but the WordPress forums and the SiteMeter website both say I should be able to have an actual, visible button like I did on my Blogger blog. But even then, SiteMeter won't be able to track Referrals anymore, which means no more Friday Fun With Stats! WAAAH!!

Does anyone know how the sidebar widget thing works? I understand dragging the different links from the menu on the left into one of the two blank sidebar boxes, but all there are is "Links", "Categories", "Archives", etc. How do I make one of my own?

Not being able to get my hands on the HTML is driving me crazy! Even I could usually figure out where a piece of code went and what it should look like. But this is just not cooperating with me! Also, WordPress has a Forum, but I can't figure out how to post a question to it! There doesn't seem to be a box anywhere that says "Ask a new question". There's a Feedback tab, but I don't even know where that goes.

Suffice it say I have gone from feeling somewhat competent to feeling like the answers are right there in front of me if I just opened my eyes! If anybody knows anything about this at all, I could sure use some help. Thanks! 

Kaitlyn can finally sit up well enough to take a bath in the sink! She loved it.

Doesn't my nephew have the face of an angel? He's such a cutie!

Three of my four favorite people in the whole world.

A good photo of Nathan smiling. Kate looks worried!

I'll write a real post tomorrow while the kids are playing. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

I got tagged by Fraulein N to do a “6 Weird Things About My Childhood” meme, except my parents were far too strict to allow me to do anything that might at all be construed as weird. Instead, I’m going to take a look back at my 3 Best Childhood Memories.

1. The Detroit Institute of Art’s Brunch With Bach series: My parents took my sister and I to several of these when I was in the first and second grade. I don’t remember much about the performances, but I do remember two things very vividly. First, the Brunch included a chilled fresh fruit cup with grapefruit and orange segments. I can close my eyes and see the pretty glass bowl with the carefully sectioned fruit in it. I have no recollection of what else was served.

Second, the gift shop at the D.I.A. sold books of paper dolls, and one Sunday my Mom bought me one that featured the wives of Henry the Eighth. I never punched out any of the clothes, I just spent hours staring at the long gowns with the high ruffled collars, and the strange jeweled head coverings they wore. I read the biographies of each Queen and Consort, not really understanding what any of it meant, but fascinated nevertheless.

2.Lunch with my Grandparents at Big Boy: My paternal Grandpa and I had a very special relationship. Of all of my siblings and cousins I was his favorite, which he did not keep a secret from anyone. He had silver hair, and blue eyes, and smoked a pipe. After he retired from his lifelong job at Detroit Edison, he joined a local group of people who loved growing Violets. He set up a greenhouse in the basement where he experimented with breeding new types of Violets. Unfortunately he passed away when I was in the fifth grade, so I never really got to know him as a person. But he did leave me with lasting memories, one of which was the lunches we would have at the local Big Boy restaurant.

My Mom taught private school in another city, so our vacation schedules didn’t always match. On days that I was off and she wasn’t, I would go to stay with Gramps and Gram at their house. Lunch was always at Big Boy. I would start by ordering the Spaghetti with Meat Sauce. I don’t know what they put in that sauce, but to this day it is still one of my favorite places to eat spaghetti. When I had finished that, it was time for dessert-Hot Fudge Ice Cream Cake. Two thick slabs of moist chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream in the middle, covered with Hot Fudge and topped with whipped cream and a cherry. Even though there is a Big Boy in the town where my Dad lives and we have eaten there many times, I never order that dessert. I think the memory of those afternoons with my Grandparents is so connected to that cake that I don’t want to eat it again and have it disappoint me and ruin the memory.

3. Fort Walton Beach, Florida: In second, third and fourth grades my family spent Spring Break in a condo right on the beach. We had a large Rico van, which was so different from today’s vans and so perfect for transporting a family of four (later, five) from Michigan to Florida. Imagine the driver’s seat and passenger seat as large Captain’s chairs that could swivel all the way around to face the back. Next, two more Captain’s chairs, and then a small middle area with cabinets on either side. In the middle of that area was a hole into which went a large metal stand, on top of that went a round tabletop that was stored under the seats in the back. In the back on either side were cushioned benches. This was where my sister and I could spread out and not have to actually sit next to each other. The coolest thing about that van was that you lifted up those cushions and unfolded the benches until they joined in the middle with a support underneath, then put the cushions back down so it made a bed. Like a futon, sort of. So there we would be, driving down I-75 with my Dad listening to WJR for as long as possible, stretched out on a cushioned bed in the back. No seat belts at all. One year my Dad got a CB radio. That was the year that the song “Convoy” was playing continuously. I don’t remember what his handle was, but I do remember him calling “Breaker 1-9″ and then asking truckers up ahead if there were any traffic jams or road construction that might slow us down.

The condo apartment was comfortable and clean, decorated simply, with a large sliding glass door leading to a balcony. Early in the morning I would look out that door at the ocean and see the dolphins jumping up out of the water. We would spend the day at the beach, coming inside only to use the bathroom and eat a quick sandwich for lunch, then get dressed up and go out for a fresh seafood dinner. I would always make a friend with someone close to my age, and for those few days be blissfully happy.

These are three of my best memories of childhood. I’ll add more in another post. I’m tagging Radioactive Girl, Undercover Angel, Self-Proclaimed SuperMom, Suebob, SweatpantsMom, and Meg. And anyone else who wants to share!

Even Elvis wouldn’t eat a blog post, would you boy?

SiteMeter says people are still coming here, which is a miracle considering the crap I’ve been putting up with from Blogger over the last week. Starting last Saturday night when I tried to post photos from our Family Reunion, continuing on to the two posts that disappeared during a connection failure, and then right up to yesterday, when once again a post disappeared.

You’d think by now that I would have figured out to write the post in NotePad or even Word and then copy and paste it into a blank Blog post, but…nope. I like to create my posts right here where I can edit the HTML and put the photos in as I go.

So thank you, people who are coming here to see if I’ve written anything new lately. I’m trying, believe me. I’m trying.

Not much going on with site referrals this week. People are still finding me by searching for some derivation of the Bohemian Rhapsody lyric “thunderbolts of lightening, very very frightening”. Maybe they caught a fragment of the song on the radio and want to know the artist?

Check out this one: tiny poops diaper rash -everyone This had better be a mother wondering if frequent tiny poops are more likely to cause diaper rash because the “everyone” at the end? Makes me a little nervous.

I also got UPN wake up news kaitlyn. Does UPN have it’s own morning news show with a host named Kaitlyn? I’ve really got to start watching something other than “Buffy” reruns in the morning, because that is news to me.

And finally waytocute for pictures. I will forgive this person for running the first three words together and spelling “too” incorrectly as long as they stayed and looked at the post they linked to with the cute pictures of my baby!

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If I may ask a general question now, how does everyone really feel about the Google AdSense banner I’m running up at the top? It doesn’t feel too intrusive to me, but I look at it all the time. Because I often just sign in to my blog to gaze fondly at it, don’t you?? I’m joking!

Anyway, the reason I ask is because last week I had FOUR HUNDRED NINETY visits to the blog, and not one single click. Even more shocking is that for the month of May I had 1,426 page impressions for a grand total of four clicks, which made me THIRTY-SIX Cents. Can you imagine if everyone who came here clicked? That would be a lot of money! And I’m only planning to keep it up until after BlogHer, because the whole point was to make some money so that I can EAT and DRINK THINGS while I am there.

But if those banners have become “invisible”, then I will take it down. And ask my kids to sell lemonade on the corner instead. I’m joking!

Sort of.

Coming up next: What we learned about Nathan and how it will affect both us and him. AND, fun tales of me losing my mind over summer vacation!

I’m sure many of you know that Blogger has been having server problems and has been down most of the day. It already ate two of my posts today. So in the interest of just getting this writing published, I’m going to combine two posts that I had planned. And possibly consider a move to WordPress.

POST #1:

I have written a post for the website 5 Minutes for Mom about the BlogHer conference. If you would like to read it, please click this link. Mine is the third post down under June 6, 2006. It is very cool for me to see myself referred to as a “Guest Contributor”. If you like it, please leave me a comment. I welcome feedback!

Post #2

Novelist Joshilyn Jackson runs a contest on her blog called Blogging for Books. It’s a very cool premise. Last month’s winner reads essays submitted on a chosen topic (this month is “Magic”), and selects seven finalists. Then, author Shanna Swendson will choose first, second and third place and send the winner a signed copy of her new book Once Upon Stilettos. If you’d like to enter the contest, write a post on the topic of Magic and then link to your entry in the comments on Joshilyn’s site. Here’s the essay I am submitting:

MAGIC

Just the word ‘magic’ conjures up (no pun intended) different meanings for me. There’s the fantasy magic of Merlin, of Gandalf, even of Dumbledore. Men with white hair and beards with pointy hats who gaze over half-moon spectacles at cloudy crystal balls or peer into bubbling cauldrons, intoning magical incantations or making dire predictions. Magical characters like them make up a shared literary history, representing the forces of good versus evil, the kindly father figure who shows up and saves the day in the nick of time.

Then there is professional magic. Doug Henning, David Copperfield and Penn and Teller create lavish stage shows that go far beyond pulling rabbits out of hats. These magicians make elephants or buildings disappear, free themselves from handcuffs and strait jackets while tied up and suspended upside-down, or while locked in boxes and thrown into pools or oceans. David Blaine produced several “Street Magician” TV specials where he would walk up to people sitting at outdoor cafes, ask them to pick a card, and then have them open a beer bottle. Inside the bottle would be, you guessed it, their card.
Is that not also magic? Or is it sleight-of-hand with better production value?

Beyond that, there is the magic believed in by children. What is the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, even Santa Claus if not a belief in something magical that can’t quite be explained? Ask a child how Santa gets into an apartment building with no chimney or how he visits every child in the world in one night, and the answer you’ll get usually involves some kind of magic. Most families I know perpetuate those beliefs in magic, at least in young children. Well, except for my best friend, who doesn’t believe in lying to her kids, which I didn’t really think about until my son was visiting her son and was shown the stash of “Tooth Fairy” silver dollars in her jewelry box. It was a little awkward explaining that one.

I don’t believe that we as parents are lying to our children when we tell them that yes, Santa did bring those presents or yes, the Tooth Fairy did take your tooth and leave a dollar. I think it is part of our common cultural history. I don’t know what happens in other countries when a child loses a tooth, but I know here in America, something magical happens. I know that Easter morning when my seven year old son saw the plastic candy-filled eggs scattered around the back yard, he came running up to me exclaiming “the Easter Bunny was here!” Who am I to shatter his belief in something magical by telling him it was really me stepping through the cold, wet grass to carefully cover the lawn with an even layer of eggs?

I always figured when my children got older a classmate would tell them the truth. But no, for my nine year old it was the Judy Blume book “Superfudge” that gave away the truth about Santa. I wish she hadn’t done that. I wish she had allowed my son to hang on to the magic for just a little longer. Also, I wish David Blaine would tell me how the heck he got that card into the beer bottle.