Screw the Universe July 13, 2006
Posted by table4five in Family, personal thoughts.trackback
After my last post announcing that my husband’s Grandma had died, I got this comment from Dawn:
“I declare that this is enough for your family. No more universe. do you hear me? No more for this family”
In a follow-up email, she even threatened to bring down the wrath of Vlad the Impaler should the universe decide to fuck with my family again anytime soon.
Apparently the universe is not at all scared of Vlad, and in fact would like to invite Vlad to kiss it’s hairy, universal ass.
In the hospital, my Dad had an endoscopy to look for the source of the blood in his stool. During the procedure the doctor saw a polyp on the lining of his esophagus, which he took a scraping from and sent to the lab for a biopsy, which is standard.
Did you catch the keyword biopsy?
That’s right, the polyp is malignant cancer. In my Dad’s esophagus. He sat here today, his voice catching and his eyes swimming as he told me about upcoming meetings with Oncologists and Radiologists, and how there is an award-winning cancer treatment center near Detroit, and then he segued directly into how he wants to be cremated and buried next to my Mother but doesn’t want a funeral because it doesn’t interest him anymore.
And the whole time I’m wondering to myself, “why am I so calm? Why am I not crying?”
Then I went into the kitchen to make the baby a bottle and took an internal inventory. I feel…numb. Blank. Like there is something I am supposed to be feeling here but it hasn’t hit me yet. No one should have to have this much…what? Misfortune? Bad Luck? Misery?
When Vlad catches up to the Universe, I hope he makes it suffer.
OK, no. Just no. Not Dad. He will be fine. They caught something really early, and will get every last iota of it OUT, and he will be fine. Just fine. That’s all I can even get out right now, but I’m saying a prayer at this moment, and will continue to do so. Please give him a hug and a kiss loaded with all the Daddy-love you can IMAGINE, from me…because I don’t have my Daddy here to give it to any more. He will be fine.
Oh, Elizabeth, I will pray for you.
Oh this sucks.
Sending positive and healing vibes your way.
Elizabeth, you know I’m thinking of you and your family.
Like it says at the top of your blog, one day at a time.
(((hugs)))
I am really sorry! Things have to get better soon!
Vlad is just a little disoriented from the move. His universe ass kicking will resume shortly…I promise.
Be well, my dear.
so sorry you’ve had a shitty time lately, elizabeth. hope you get to have some great “you” time at BlogHer, though:)
((hugs)) — so sorry.
Deep breaths, Elizabeth. They found it early. You are coping magnificently with all this shit.
Still. My dad sometimes mentions what preparations he would like, and although it’s good to know, I still don’t want to think about it.
God damn it. I’m sooo sorry. No wonder you’re numb.
I am so, so sorry, Elizabeth!
It goes without saying I hope your Dad pulls thru okay. I am sorry you’re having to deal with all this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers…
siiiigggh. Obviously you have my prayers and wishes and chants and all that stuff.
They’ll get it.